parenting doesn’t come with a perfect playbook
Let’s be real — parenting doesn’t come with a perfect playbook. At some point, every parent makes mistakes. But what determines the strength of the relationship isn't perfection — it's how we repair and reconnect.
If your child is carrying emotional wounds from the past — especially ones they’re just now finding the courage to express
The First Rule: Hear Them Out — Fully
When your child opens up about how they were hurt — especially if it involves your actions — your job is not to correct their memory or defend your intentions. Your job is to listen. Fully. Without interruptions. Without rebuttals
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Let them speak. Let the words come out, even if it’s painful to hear.
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Don’t interrupt, minimize, or justify. This is about their experience, not your perspective.
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Remind yourself: this isn’t about being right — it’s about being real.
What they feel may not match your memory. That doesn’t make it any less real to them.
“I hear you. I understand why you felt that way. I’m sorry that happened
Validate Their Feelings — Even If It Hurts
You may want to say, “That’s not what happened,” or “I didn’t mean it that way.”
But right now, the goal is to say:
“I hear you. I understand why you felt that way. I’m sorry that happened.”
Validation doesn’t mean you agree with every detail — it means you’re acknowledging their pain and honoring their voice.
Do not try to fix or reframe their experience. Just hold space
Be Apologetic — Not Defensive
Once they’ve expressed themselves, offer a sincere apology. Own your actions or inactions.
Say:
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“I’m sorry for what I did and how it made you feel.”
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“You didn’t deserve that.”
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“I never meant to hurt you, but I understand now how it affected you.”
Avoid saying:
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“But I was stressed…”
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“But you were difficult back then…”
Never start your explanation with "but." It erases everything before it and re-centers the conversation on you, not them.
Gently Explain (If needed), But Don’t Excuse
After validation and apology, you can gently give context — not to excuse, but to create understanding. Say:
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“I was dealing with a lot at that time, and I didn’t know how to handle it better.”
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“I didn’t have the tools I have now, and I wish I had done it differently.”
Make sure you are explaining, not justifying. And always end by bringing the focus back to your child and the importance of your relationship now.
Forgiveness is easier when truth is paired with humility.
Rebuild with Patience and Presence
Healing takes time. If your child has been carrying pain for years, they may not forgive overnight. That’s okay.
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Show up consistently with honesty and love.
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Let them lead the pace of the healing.
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Ask them what they need from you now to feel emotionally safe.
Keep the door open — and the ego out.
Final Thoughts: Forgiveness Begins with Listening
You can’t rewrite the past. But you can change the present and rewrite the future — by choosing to lead with empathy, humility, and accountability.
At House of Resilience, we believe that healing generational pain starts with courageous conversations and a commitment to emotional honesty.
Your willingness to say, “I’m sorry. I hear you. I want to do better,” can be the beginning of a brand-new chapter.
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